What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Upon looking over this blog, I realized I hadn’t really introduced myself. I don’t have a page specific to me, to telling you about me, to letting you in on what my deal is and what it is that I do, professionally, in my free time, as a student, whatever. I think people are more than their occupations, but if every person were allowed to become exactly what they dream of being, if that were realistic (and it is, but not in real life, haha) I think we’d all be a lot better off. Other than the fact that the world might smell a bit weird.

I wrote this a while back, and I think it sums up the person I’d like to be quite succinctly.

After nearly 25 years of people asking me what I want to be when I grow up, I finally have come up with an answer: I want to be a hippie.

I want to care about others, treating them as I would like to be treated. I want to love my Mother Earth, even the bugs. Even the spiders. Yes, even the spiders. I will apologize to the Universe for every one I make Allen sqish. I want to love others freely, no matter how ugly, hateful, or different they may be. I want to be barefoot as often as possible. I want to see things, experience things, and see a true representation of what others’ lives look like, because I want to know what it means to be truly compassionate. I want to live free from laws that do nothing but hurt and oppress people. I want to stand up for myself and for those who may not be able to stand up for themselves, and support others who do the same. I want to make a difference, and leave a lasting positive impression of my having been here. I want to travel and see things I know are out there, just waiting for me to view them. I want to read poetry from all corners of the world, and write poetry that I can spread across the globe with my own two hands, rather than relying on the passive-aggressive Internet to do it for me. I want to live a life free of medication and manipulation. I want to be kind to animals, and appreciate them for all they offer me, whether it be comfort, protection, or a delicious hamburger. I want my children to understand who I really am, without the filters of what I think people expect of me. When asked questions, I want to have real answers to contribute. I want to see pure emotions because I want to know what it feels like to witness something real. I want to earn my education from experience, not from what a book someone wrote for profit tells me I should know.  I want to listen to music, and feel what it sounds like. I have always wanted to be the girl who could wear flowers in her hair, and I want to start being that kind of girl. I want to be brave. I want to dance in public, be the first to start singing, and be the first to start laughing and the last to stop.  I want to plant flowers and hug trees. I want to be friends with the rain, rather than curse it and run away from it. I want to be clean from toxins, both physical and mental, and live a more natural life.  I want to drop my cell phone in the toilet and flush it for good, and speak to people personally, except I want to travel and I want to be able to speak to my mother every day, so maybe I won’t do that just yet.  I want to look up at the sky and never forget that there are a million, trillion, billion galaxies out there and while I am nothing but a twinkle in the great Eye, I am something. I want to speak my mind without sarcasm, without being the last word.  I want more than anything to know that my father accepts me as I am, rather than a floundering poor reincarnation of what he could have been, but I want to live a life where not knowing that doesn’t hurt me. I have lived my life like an actor in a play, reciting lines from the cue cards those around me are holding up for me.  Maybe those people are my parents, maybe they’re my employers, or my friends, or my children.  Maybe my husband, my most trusted friend and confidant, is holding up a cue card, too. I want to run free, live free, be free.  I want to live my life as it should be lived: as a perpetual spiritual quest, always changing but never losing the true essence. Maybe you think I’m crazy, maybe you think I should take a breath and calm down.

Maybe you don’t know me at all.

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