Love and Insanity: A moment’s pause to think

I’ve had a lovely day with my fair ginger lover. This morning, we talked about what his name meant, and to our delight, some of the translations said “fair.” We thought it fitting. The day was filled with small happy moments like that, like we floated on them through the afternoon and into the evening. Now, we are enjoying a quiet peace between us as he slays… something (nearly everything, actually,) in the worlds of Skyrim, and I clickety-clack my thoughts onto something more permanent than myself, here.

We were making plans for our impending trip to Florida (13 days and MAN, are we excited!) and I grabbed a notebook to start making lists, because that’s what I do when I get excited about things, and as I was flipping through the pages of some old notes, I found this gem, and I wanted to share it with you.

Date: October 24, 2012

Today, I woke up and felt like writing something. Everything jumped out at me, begging to put it on a page. My first feeling is arrogance – a page for these words will rescue them from being lost. Maybe even immortalize them. But if there are words that nobody ever reads or hears, did one ever truly speak or write? Am I just letting these words fly away into existence anyway? And in doing so, am I really just losing them despite all this effort?

Sometimes I forget how to do this. I forget how to save these words, even just for myself. I can them up and store them somewhere so deep that I forget where I put them. Except I can feel them. I can feel them, eating away at the contentment I’ve worked so hard for. I just can’t see them. I search and cannot find them.

But with this man, with my very best friend in the world, with the live rendition of every imaginary friend I’ve ever had, I can find them. They’re blurry but they’re there. My living muse. I just need to remember.

Thought of this, this morning. Insanity means to fall into the same person’s arms every night, hoping to feel differently. Love is to fall into the same arms every night, knowing full well you’ll never feel differently.

I know what love is. I almost lost that thought once. But as usual, he brought it back to me at the very last second.

 

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