A tremendous thanks to all of the new followers that found me this past week! I appreciate every click and like and share I receive, and look forward to reading your pieces as well. I hope you enjoy what you’ve found so far.
Things are a bit hectic in my head right now, and I’m not feeling in a good place today. But,
tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow is a new year.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am hitting the last year before the year I thought I would be perfect. Or at least acceptable. I think I have a long way to go. I want to accomplish a lot before I will accept myself as successful. And I feel like I still have a lot of eyes I’m going to force myself to filter my view before I find my own.
Someday, I will be proud of myself for me, and not just because I want my dad to be. Someday I will do something brave, and I will forget that cruel word, “gutless.” Someday, I will cease to compete with others for some sort of paranoid need for attention. I will be okay with being more than I wanted to be and less than I wanted to be at the same time.
Something tells me I am not going to figure all of that out in the next year. I’m probably not going to take any drastic moves. My heart tells me to leap, and my head holds me steady. I’m so angry at my self-made situation. I want to place blame on people who have wronged me, but I made every decision with my own heart, albeit so heavy at so many different points in those lost years. When can I live a life without going back there?
I can start by stopping. Stop going back and stop letting it hold me back. Tomorrow is a new day and a new year and another chance to start being anything I damn well please.
Here’s to twenty-six, and here’s to me.
And to all of you, here’s to you. Because if not for you, I’d be talking to myself.
Then I would have a reason to be sad.
So thank you.